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Dowager Countess: Your quarrel is with my daughter, Rosamund, and not with me. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Dowager Countess: The question is, will she accept Matthew?
Cora: I’m not sure.
Dowager Countess: Well, if she doesn’t, we’ll just have to take her abroad. In these moments, you can normally find an Italian who isn’t too picky.

Dowager Countess: You are quite wonderful, the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal.
Isobel: I take that as a compliment.
Dowager Countess: I must have said it wrong.

Dowager Countess: Good heavens, what am I sitting on?
Matthew: A swivel chair.
Dowager Countess: Another modern brainwave?
Matthew: Not very modern, they were invented by Thomas Jefferson.
Dowager Countess: Why does every day involve a fight with an American?
Matthew: I’ll fetch a different one.
Dowager Countess: No, no, no, no – I’m a good sailor.

Cora: I could send her over to my aunt, she could get to know New York.
Dowager Countess: Oh, I don’t think things are quite that desperate.