Stewie: They saw my blueprints! What a grievous breach of security!

Mind over Murder

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Stewie Griffin: Look, I really don’t want to go to hell, but I can’t stop my nature. I’m just a hateful person.
Brian Griffin: You’re not hateful, you just need to control your anger. Like I do.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you mean by being sauced all day? Wait a minute! Of course! That’s it! If I’m drunk I’ll be calm and if I’m calm I’ll be nice, and if I’m nice then I won’t go to hell. Fix me a highball, I’m going to get good and tight!

Bryan: Your not getting the money.
Stewie: Oh you thought I wanted the money? How so very silly of you. Oh you’re silly, I like you, you’re silly.

Lois Griffin: Peter. You’re bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c’mon, Lois, isn’t “bribe” just another word for “love”?

Lois Griffin: Uh, uh, uh, before you sit down, we’re due at Joe and Bonnie’s for egg nog.
Peter Griffin: Lois, can’t we tell them that your mother died?
Lois Griffin: Peter, I’m not going to lie about something like that.
Peter Griffin: All right, all right, I’ll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?

Stewie Griffin: Mm, Florida. Just think somewhere in this state right now Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy.