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Lois Griffin: Uh, uh, uh, before you sit down, we’re due at Joe and Bonnie’s for egg nog.
Peter Griffin: Lois, can’t we tell them that your mother died?
Lois Griffin: Peter, I’m not going to lie about something like that.
Peter Griffin: All right, all right, I’ll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?
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Lois Griffin: Peter. You’re bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c’mon, Lois, isn’t “bribe” just another word for “love”?
Stewie Griffin: Mm, Florida. Just think somewhere in this state right now Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy.
Lois Griffin: Brian, you’re not wearing the sweater I made you.
Brian Griffin: Uh, we-well, it’s a little warm in here, you know?
Lois Griffin: “Don we now our gay apparel.”
Brian Griffin: Doesn’t get much gayer than this.
Mall Santa: Ho ho ho! And what can I bring you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, a peace offering, is it? Very well… What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?
Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm?
Stewie Griffin: Your inquiry intrigues me. Can any of us be a ‘good boy?’ Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid.
Stewie Griffin: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be…”nice.”