Vern Thurman: You’ll make a good chief one day.
Molly Solverson: Me? What about Bill? He’s got seniority.
Vern Thurman: Bill cleans his gun with bubble bath. No, it’ll be you.
Lou Solverson: So I got two kinds of sandwiches, tuna and turkey. Tuna’s for the fish. Unless you think they’d think that’s cannibalism.
Postal Worker: This is highly irregular.
Lorne Malvo: No, highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd.
Lorne Malvo: Mister, we’re not friends. I mean, maybe we will be someday. But I gotta say, if that were me in your position? I would have killed that man.
Lorne Malvo: Let me tell you what’s gonna happen, Officer Grimly. I’m going to roll my window up, then I’m going to drive away, and you’re gonna go home to your daughter, and every few years, you’re gonna look at her face and know that you’re alive because you chose not to go down a certain road on a certain night. That you chose to walk into the light instead of into the darkness.
Lorne Malvo: Evening, Officer.
Gus Grimly: Evening. License and registration, please.
Lorne Malvo: We could do it that way. You ask me for my papers. I tell you it’s not my car, that I borrowed it. See where things go from there. We could do that. Or you could go get in your car and drive away.
Gus Grimly: Now, why would I do that?
Lorne Malvo: Because some roads you shouldn’t go down. Because maps used to say, “there be dragons here.” Now they don’t. But that don’t mean the dragons aren’t there.
Betsy: Goodnight, Mr. Solverson.
Lou: Goodnight, Mrs. Solverson. And all the ships at sea.