Ted: God I hate hospitals.
Dougal: Do you ever notice it’s usually sick people who end up in hospitals?

Share with your friends

More from Father Ted

Father Ted: Dougal! Have you been drinking?
Dougal: I have, Ted! I’ve been drinking like a mad eejit! Oh, wait! (gives a drawn-out wink to Father Fintan) No I haven’t!

Father Jack: I love my brick!
Father Ted: Ah, that’s nice. Perhaps we’re seeing a new side to Father Jack? A more caring, considerate…
(Jack suddenly hurls the brick at Ted, knocking him out)
Father Jack: Ah, feck it! Fed up with brick!

Mrs. Doyle: Oh, Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.
Father Ted: What! How dare you!
Pat (raising an enormous adjustable spanner): Yes, too big for the milk float.

Speed 3

Father Dougal: It’s like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women.

Eoin McLove: (shouting at a large crowd of elderly ladies) Go away! I don’t want to catch the menopause!