Father Ted: Old women are closer to God than we’ll ever be. They get to that age and they don’t need the operator anymore. They’ve got the direct line.

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More from Father Ted

Eoin McLove: (shouting at a large crowd of elderly ladies) Go away! I don’t want to catch the menopause!

Mrs. Doyle: And what do you say to a cup?
Jack: Feck off cup!

Good Luck Father Ted

Ted: God I hate hospitals.
Dougal: Do you ever notice it’s usually sick people who end up in hospitals?

Father Dougal: Our Father, who art in heaven…
Father Ted: Hallowed.
Father Dougal: Hallowed be thy..
Father Ted: Name.
Father Dougal: Papa don’t preach…

Father Ted: Down with this sort of thing!
Dougal: Careful now!

The Passion of St Tibulus