Niamh Conolly: The church in Ireland secretly had lots of potatoes during the famine, and they hid the potatoes in pillows and sold them abroad in potato fairs. And the Pope closed down a lot of the factories that were makin’ the potatoes and turned them into prisons for children.
Father Ted: God almighty, she says that as if there’s something sinister about it all! I mean, what is the problem with her?

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More from Father Ted

Father Jack: I love my brick!
Father Ted: Ah, that’s nice. Perhaps we’re seeing a new side to Father Jack? A more caring, considerate…
(Jack suddenly hurls the brick at Ted, knocking him out)
Father Jack: Ah, feck it! Fed up with brick!

Mrs. Doyle: Oh, Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.
Father Ted: What! How dare you!
Pat (raising an enormous adjustable spanner): Yes, too big for the milk float.

Speed 3

Father Dougal: It’s like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women.

Eoin McLove: (shouting at a large crowd of elderly ladies) Go away! I don’t want to catch the menopause!

Mrs. Doyle: And what do you say to a cup?
Jack: Feck off cup!

Good Luck Father Ted