Mal: Been a long time since Patience shot me, and that was due to a perfectly legitimate conflict of interest. I got no grudge.


Mal: How come you didn’t turn on me, Jayne?
Jayne: Money wasn’t good enough.
Mal: What happens when it is?
Jayne: Well, that’ll be an interesting day.

Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Simon: I told him to sit down.

Inara: Are you in pain?
Mal: Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know, right here.

Mal: They let us come, and they let us go. What kind of ident card gets us that kind of reception and send-off?
Book: I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God.
Mal: No, they don’t. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged.

Zoe: If she can fly this thing, why just take the shuttle?
Wash: Maybe she likes shuttles. Some people juggle geese!

Jayne: Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap-hill ‘verse. But you took that end, and you… Well, you took it. And that’s – Well, I guess that’s somethin’.

Inara: So, do aliens live among us?
Kaylee: Yeah. One of them’s a doctor.

Zoe: First rule of battle, little one… don’t ever let them know where you are.
Zoe: Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Mal: Did you send word to Patience?
Wash: Ain’t heard back yet. Didn’t she shoot you one time?
Mal: Everybody’s makin’ a fuss.

Simon: I’m trying to put this as delicately as I can. How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?
Mal: You don’t know me, son, so let me explain this to you once. If I ever kill you you’ll be awake. You’ll be facing me. And you’ll be armed.
Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
Mal: I had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you. Criminals and savages. Half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself. And you’re harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We’re still flying.
Simon: That’s not much.
Mal: It’s enough.

Mal: We’re not thieves. Well, we are thieves. Point is, we’re not takin’ what’s his. Now, we’ll stay out of his way as best we can from here on in. You explain that that’s best for everyone, okay?

Young River: We got outflanked by the independent squad, and we’re never gonna make it back to our platoon. We need to resort to cannibalism.
Young Simon: That was fast. Don’t we have rations or anything?

Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain’t we just?

MAL: You woulda kissed her too!
ZOE: Wash didn’t.
MAL: But she was naked! And articulate!

Jayne: All of you! You think there’s someone just gonna drop money on ya?! Money they could use?! Well, there ain’t people like that. There’s just people like me.

Mal: Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn’t bring ’em back.
Simon: They were cyanotic…

Tracey: When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you can’t crawl, when you can’t do that…
Zoe: … you find someone to carry you.

Inara: I’d have to say, this is the first time we’ve had a preacher on board.
Book: Well, I wasn’t expecting to see a state official either. Ambassador…I’m missing something funny.
Kaylee: Not so funny.
Inara: Ambassador is Mal’s way of—
Mal: She’s a whore, Shep.

Jayne: Your move.
Zoe: That’s a bold move.
Mal: I live on the edge.

Mal: No one’s gonna hurt you.
Survivor: No. No mercy. No!
Mal: Any more than we already did.

Mal: So, she’s added cussing and hurling-about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.
Simon: It’s just a bad day.
Mal: No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It’s kind of like a meat grinder. And it’ll lose us half the herd.

Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God’s will.
Mal: Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find. It was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting.

Mal: Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.
Saffron: Everybody plays each other. That’s all anybody ever does. We play parts.

Mal: Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.
Zoe: That’s ’cause it’s a death trap.

Out of Gas