Mal: Did you send word to Patience?
Wash: Ain’t heard back yet. Didn’t she shoot you one time?
Mal: Everybody’s makin’ a fuss.
Simon: I’m trying to put this as delicately as I can. How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?
Mal: You don’t know me, son, so let me explain this to you once. If I ever kill you you’ll be awake. You’ll be facing me. And you’ll be armed.
Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
Mal: I had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you. Criminals and savages. Half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself. And you’re harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We’re still flying.
Simon: That’s not much.
Mal: It’s enough.
Mal: We’re not thieves. Well, we are thieves. Point is, we’re not takin’ what’s his. Now, we’ll stay out of his way as best we can from here on in. You explain that that’s best for everyone, okay?
Young River: We got outflanked by the independent squad, and we’re never gonna make it back to our platoon. We need to resort to cannibalism.
Young Simon: That was fast. Don’t we have rations or anything?
Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God’s will.
Mal: Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find. It was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting.
Mal: Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.
Saffron: Everybody plays each other. That’s all anybody ever does. We play parts.
Mal: Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.
Zoe: That’s ’cause it’s a death trap.
Jayne: Hell, I don’t know. If I wanted schooling, I’d-a gone to school.
Inara: I’d have to say, this is the first time we’ve had a preacher on board.
Book: Well, I wasn’t expecting to see a state official either. Ambassador…I’m missing something funny.
Kaylee: Not so funny.
Inara: Ambassador is Mal’s way of—
Mal: She’s a whore, Shep.
Jayne: Your move.
Zoe: That’s a bold move.
Mal: I live on the edge.
Mal: No one’s gonna hurt you.
Survivor: No. No mercy. No!
Mal: Any more than we already did.
Mal: So, she’s added cussing and hurling-about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.
Simon: It’s just a bad day.
Mal: No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It’s kind of like a meat grinder. And it’ll lose us half the herd.
Simon: So, finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I’m sorry.
Mal: Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.
Saffron: You gonna kill me?
Mal: Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?
Saffron: I didn’t kill you.
Mal: You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys you nothing.
Saffron: I made you dinner.
Mal: And try to see past what she is, and on to what she can be.
Zoe: What’s that, sir?
Mal: Freedom, is what.
Zoe: I meant, what’s that?
Mal: Oh. Yeah, just step around that. I think something must’ve been living in here.
Mal: Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That’s bound to make anyone a mite ornery.
Kaylee: So how many fell madly in love with you and wanted to take you away from all this?
Inara: Just the one. I think I’m slipping.
Lund: You didn’t toast? Y’know, I’m thinkin’ you one of them independents.
Mal: And I’m thinkin’ you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don’t we just ignore each other, til we go away?
Mal: Reavers ain’t men – or they forgot how to be.
Jayne: About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!
Mal: You know, they walk just as easy if you lead ’em.
Jayne: I like smackin’ ’em.
Bandit: You gonna give us what’s due us. And every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Jayne: Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
Mal: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier I would!
Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago!
Mal: There ain’t-a one of us looks the part more than the good doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over—
Simon: All right! Fine, I’ll go. Just… stop describing me.
Zoe: Get her running again?
Zoe: So not running now?
Mal: Not so much.
Mal: But she will.
Mal: Just once, I’d like things to go according to the gorram plan!
Inara: So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?
Book: I brought you some supper, but if you’d prefer a lecture, I’ve a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire… one has lepers.