Bandit: You gonna give us what’s due us. And every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Jayne: Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
Mal: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier I would!
Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago!

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Kaylee: Well, Shepherd told us a funny story about bein’ a preacher, now you tell us a funny story about bein’ a doctor.
Simon: Ah, a funny story.
Jayne: Yeah, ’cause sick people are hi-larious.

Book: He said, “Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals, speak on every subject, then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano’s edge, and on that day, you will finally meet the man.”
Simon: What if you don’t live by a volcano?
Book: I suspect he was being poetical.

Mal: We’re not gonna die. We can’t die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.

Simon: What about us?
Mal: Kaylee comes through, you and your sister get off at Whitefall.
Simon: If she doesn’t come through?
Mal: Well, then you’re gettin’ off a mite sooner.

Simon: Need a weave on that?
Mal: It’s nothin’.
Simon: I expect there’s someone’s face feels differently.
Mal: I know they tell ya, you never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is, on occasion, hilarious.