Mal: I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I’m an evil, lecherous hump.
Zoe: No one’s saying that, sir.
Wash: Yeah, we’re pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.

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Mal: Can’t get paid if you’re dead.
Jayne: Can’t get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither. I got a share of this job! Ten percent of nothin’ is – let me do the math here – nothin’ into nothin’, carry the…

Mal: Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character, so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.

Sheriff: It’s funny your uncle never went to mentioning the Bowden’s problem. Or that Joey Bloggs ate his own gun, about eight months back.
Mal: Did he?
Sheriff: Yep. Blew the back of his head right off.
Mal: So… would his job be open?

Mal: Mercy is the mark of a great man. (He lightly stabs Atherton) Guess I’m just a good man. (He stabs him again) Well, I’m all right.

Gabriel Tam: Have you completely lost your mind?
Simon: Pretty nearly.
Gabriel Tam: We got the wave at the Friedlichs. I had to leave your mother at the dinner table!
Simon: I’m sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River’s life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk!