Wash: What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?

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Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?

Wash: We gotta go to the crappy town where I’m the hero!

Mal: I’m gettin’ a little weary of this attitude, Wash.
Wash: Are you? Well, I’m so very sorry, sir. I guess the news that we’re all gonna be purple and bloated and fetal in a few hours has made me little snippy.

Kaylee: No power in the ‘verse can stop me.

Wash (as Stegosaurus): Yes. Yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it …’This Land’.