Wash: What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?

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Jayne: This place gives me an uncomfortableness.

Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. “On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow, and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his full, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”
Mal: Whoa. Good Bible.

Mal: So, that’s where the little “Jayne Day Celebration” we got planned comes in. Should give us enough time to get the goods back onto Serenity.
Jayne: I don’t know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?
Mal: You better laugh when you say that.
Jayne: No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there’s something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know — me, Jayne Cobb.
Mal: I know your name, jackass!

Captain: You woulda done the same.
Mal: We can already see I haven’t.

Jayne: Smellin’ a lot of “if” comin’ off this plan.