Kaylee: Well, Shepherd told us a funny story about bein’ a preacher, now you tell us a funny story about bein’ a doctor.
Simon: Ah, a funny story.
Jayne: Yeah, ’cause sick people are hi-larious.

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Mal: So, that’s where the little “Jayne Day Celebration” we got planned comes in. Should give us enough time to get the goods back onto Serenity.
Jayne: I don’t know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?
Mal: You better laugh when you say that.
Jayne: No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there’s something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know — me, Jayne Cobb.
Mal: I know your name, jackass!

Salesman: Tell you what. You buy this ship – treat her proper – she’ll be with you for the rest of your life.

Mal: I hear y’all took up arms in that little piece o’ action back there. How’re you faring with that, Doctor?
Simon: I don’t know. I, I never, never shot anyone before.
Book: I was there, son. I’m fair sure you haven’t shot anyone yet.

Mal: Can’t get paid if you’re dead.
Jayne: Can’t get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither. I got a share of this job! Ten percent of nothin’ is – let me do the math here – nothin’ into nothin’, carry the…

Mal: Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character, so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.