Mal: Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone’s carryin’ a bullet for you right now, doesn’t even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you.

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Simon: I’m very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.

Wash: You brute.
Kaylee: Oh, sweetie, don’t feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He’s like a monster.
Mal: I’m not a monster!

Wash: What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?

Wash: Monastic humor. I miss out on all the fun.

Mal: The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.