Mal: Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
Simon: I reattached a girl’s leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Hamsters is nice.
Simon: To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.
Bester: Mal! What do you need two mechanics for?
Mal: I really don’t.
Wash: I can’t stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can’t take that right now.
Mal: Okay. I’m lost. I’m angry. And, I’m armed.
Jayne: Any one you walk away from, right? Long as we got the goods, I call this a win.
Mal: Right. We win.
Jayne: Testing. Testing, Captain, can you hear me?
Mal: I’m standing right here.
Jayne: You’re coming through good and loud.
Mal: ‘Cause I’m standing right here.
Mal: Whatever happens, remember I love you.
Mal: Because you’re my wife.
Zoe: Right, sir. Honey.
Mal: My work’s illegal, but at least it’s honest.
Jayne: This place gives me an uncomfortableness.
Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. “On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow, and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his full, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”
Mal: Whoa. Good Bible.
River: They say the snow on the roof is too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.
Mal: I’m not leaving Serenity.
Inara: Mal, you don’t have to die alone.
Mal: Everybody dies alone.
Wash: I don’t want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what’s happening, then you tell me. You wouldn’t spare Zoë if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting and… possibly scheming. So whatever Zoë would do in this instance is what I wanna do. Do you know why? No matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back with the stories. So… I’m Zoë. Now, what do I do?
Mal: Probably not talk quite so much.
Wash: Terse? I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic.
Badger: Crime and politics, little girl. Situation is always fluid.
Jayne: The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay us our wage.
Mal: Well, you were right about this being a bad idea.
Zoe: Thanks for saying, sir.
Mal: Well, didn’t I see an entire regiment of fine, young Alliance federals on the train?
Sheriff: You did. Same regiment let our medicine get swiped right out from under their noses then took off for their own camp without so much as a whoopsy-daisy.
Mal: And I never back down from a fight.
Inara: Yes, you do. You do all the time.
River: I get confused. I remember everything. I remember too much. And… some of it’s made up, and… some of it can’t be quantified, and… there’s secrets, and …
Simon: It’s okay.
River: But I understand. You gave up everything you had to find me. You found me broken. It’s hard for you. You gave up everything you had.
Simon: Mei-mei. Everything I have is right here.
Saffron: Leave me at the nearest port. Never look upon me again. I’ll make my way with the strength that you’ve taught me. Only let me have my wedding night.
Mal: Oh, I’m gonna go to the special hell.
Mal: So, that’s where the little “Jayne Day Celebration” we got planned comes in. Should give us enough time to get the goods back onto Serenity.
Jayne: I don’t know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?
Mal: You better laugh when you say that.
Jayne: No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there’s something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know — me, Jayne Cobb.
Mal: I know your name, jackass!
Captain: You woulda done the same.
Mal: We can already see I haven’t.
Jayne: Smellin’ a lot of “if” comin’ off this plan.
Mal: Can’t get paid if you’re dead.
Jayne: Can’t get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither. I got a share of this job! Ten percent of nothin’ is – let me do the math here – nothin’ into nothin’, carry the…
Mal: Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character, so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.
Sheriff: It’s funny your uncle never went to mentioning the Bowden’s problem. Or that Joey Bloggs ate his own gun, about eight months back.
Mal: Did he?
Sheriff: Yep. Blew the back of his head right off.
Mal: So… would his job be open?