Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with ’til you understand who’s in ruttin’ command here.
Sir Warrick: You didn’t have to wound that man.
Mal: Yeah, I know. It was just funny.
Gabriel Tam: Have you completely lost your mind?
Simon: Pretty nearly.
Gabriel Tam: We got the wave at the Friedlichs. I had to leave your mother at the dinner table!
Simon: I’m sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River’s life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk!
Wash: I wish I was somebody else right now, somebody not… married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinky.
Mal: Let’s go get our wayward babes.
River: He looks better in red.
Mal: Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone’s carryin’ a bullet for you right now, doesn’t even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you.
Mal: Been a long time since Patience shot me, and that was due to a perfectly legitimate conflict of interest. I got no grudge.
Mal: How come you didn’t turn on me, Jayne?
Jayne: Money wasn’t good enough.
Mal: What happens when it is?
Jayne: Well, that’ll be an interesting day.
Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Simon: I told him to sit down.
Inara: Are you in pain?
Mal: Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know, right here.
Mal: They let us come, and they let us go. What kind of ident card gets us that kind of reception and send-off?
Book: I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God.
Mal: No, they don’t. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged.
Zoe: If she can fly this thing, why just take the shuttle?
Wash: Maybe she likes shuttles. Some people juggle geese!
Jayne: Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap-hill ‘verse. But you took that end, and you… Well, you took it. And that’s – Well, I guess that’s somethin’.
Inara: So, do aliens live among us?
Kaylee: Yeah. One of them’s a doctor.
Zoe: First rule of battle, little one… don’t ever let them know where you are.
Mal: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!
Zoe: Course, there’re other schools of thought.