Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don’t let you do it.
Rachel: Who’s FICA? And why does he get all my money?
Phoebe: We can be guys! Come on, let us be guys!
Chandler: You don’t want to be guys, you’d be all hairy and you wouldn’t live as long.
Phoebe: They shouldn’t have called it “It’s a Wonderful Life,” they should have called it “It’s a sucky life and just when you think it can’t suck any more it does.”
Monica: Whoa! Where you going in those pants? 1982?
Pete Becker: Well, yeah, she asked if she could finish my peanuts and I thought she said something else.
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don’t have a dream.
Ross: Ah, the lesser known “I Don’t Have a Dream” speech.
Joey: Look, I kinda had a dream, but I don’t want to talk about it.
Chandler: Now what if Martin Luther King had said that? ‘Yeah I kinda had a dream. I-I don’t want to talk about it.’
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
Rachel:…but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue…
Joey: Ross, if homo sapiens actually were HOMO sapiens, is that why they’re extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I’m not judging!
Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y’know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that’s right, that’s right, it was you!
Rachel: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.
Ross: She said you gave her the razor!
Phoebe: See, he’s her lobster!
Chandler: Well, my apartment’s not there anymore because I drank it.
Chandler: Ok, lets focus something else. Beautiful eyes, nice nose, great smile, BIG HEAD BIG HEAD BIG HEAD!!!
Chandler: Handle’s my middle name. Well, actually, it’s the middle part of my first name.
Chandler: It’s like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare, and then charged me $32 to see it!
Ross: You’re over me? When were you, under me?
Chandler: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite–
Joey: That’s how they do pants. First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn’t that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison!
Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Oh, right. Okay, ducks is heads because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday party?
Rachel: Oh honey, please, no, I can’t get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean he’s going to be screwed up for a long time. And besides, you know, I don’t go for guys right after they get divorced.
Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.
Joey: Hi, here’s the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It’s white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh yeah, and there was a baby in it.
Chandler: My sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.
Monica: What does that mean?
Chandler: It means that my boys are too lazy to get off their Barca-Loungers, and your uterus is prepared to kill the ones who do.
Chandler: Is this the episode of Three’s Company where there’s a misunderstanding?
Chandler: All right, let’s get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don’t you?
Phoebe: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.