Chandler: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite–
Ross: what?
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That’s how they do pants. First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn’t that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison!

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Chandler: Oh, I know, this must be so hard. “Oh no, two women love me! They’re both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet’s too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!”

Rachel: Who’s FICA? And why does he get all my money?

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don’t let you do it.

Phoebe: They shouldn’t have called it “It’s a Wonderful Life,” they should have called it “It’s a sucky life and just when you think it can’t suck any more it does.”

Phoebe: We can be guys! Come on, let us be guys!
Chandler: You don’t want to be guys, you’d be all hairy and you wouldn’t live as long.