Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Oh, right. Okay, ducks is heads because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday party?

The One with the Baby on the Bus

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Chandler: My sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.
Monica: What does that mean?
Chandler: It means that my boys are too lazy to get off their Barca-Loungers, and your uterus is prepared to kill the ones who do.

Rachel: Oh honey, please, no, I can’t get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean he’s going to be screwed up for a long time. And besides, you know, I don’t go for guys right after they get divorced.
Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.

Joey: Hi, here’s the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It’s white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh yeah, and there was a baby in it.

Joey: Uh, look, Kay, listen, we need to talk, okay? Um, look, I like you – I really do. I like – I like you a lot, okay, but sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that, it feels like someone is hitting me with a very tiny, but very real, bat.

The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey

Chandler: Is this the episode of Three’s Company where there’s a misunderstanding?