Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Oh, right. Okay, ducks is heads because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday party?

The One with the Baby on the Bus

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Phoebe: See, he’s her lobster!

Chandler: Well, my apartment’s not there anymore because I drank it.

Chandler: Ok, lets focus something else. Beautiful eyes, nice nose, great smile, BIG HEAD BIG HEAD BIG HEAD!!!

Chandler: Handle’s my middle name. Well, actually, it’s the middle part of my first name.

Chandler: It’s like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare, and then charged me $32 to see it!