Rory: Oh, I’m sorry. You wanted a party? I told everyone you didn’t want to make a big deal out of your birthday this year.
Lorelai: You’re not funny.
Rory: Ms. Patty and Babette wanted to hire these two hot guys to carry you around all day and feed you Bon-Bons, and Kirk wanted to hire the Red Hot Chili Peppers to play a concert in the square, but I said “Hey, please, respect the lady’s wishes. She deserves that at her age.”
Lorelai: Why are you so cruel to mama?
Rory: He has always been a cat person. He just never had a cat.
Lorelai: As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.
Rory: Do something to make me hate you!
Lorelai: Um, go Hitler?
Zach: “A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing.” Dude, what’s a bulwark?
Zach: It says, a bulwark never failing.
Brian: I think it’s a wall.
Zach: Then why don’t they just say that? Bulwark sounds totally gay.
Brian: I don’t think you’re supposed to call a hymn gay. It’s like a sin or something.
Zach: Whatever, man. I’m not saying bulwark.
Zach: Yeah. Dave, you’re a Christian. So what? That’s cool.
Brian: It’s nothing to hide.
Zach: Christians can still rock.
Dave: They can?
Lane: Yeah, yeah, Dave. Christians can still rock, don’t hide it.
Zach: Marshall Stacks don’t know Christians from atheists.
Dave: Gosh, I just wasn’t sure if you guys would be accepting of my devoutness.
Brian: Dave, it’s a part of you, and we think you’re cool, so it’s cool.
Dave: Great. Thanks, guys.
Zach: But no way are we playing Creed, man.
Dave: Oh, no, of course not.
Zach: Or Amy Grant. That’s where we draw the line.
(Luke is buying self-help books but doesn’t want Andrew to see them)
Andrew: Will you just let me scan the book?
Luke: When you scan the book, do you see the title?
Luke: Then no.
Andrew: Luke, come on! What do you got there, porn?
Luke: You sell porn?
Luke: You think I brought my own porn in here to buy?
Andrew: I don’t know what you’re doing. I just need to scan the books.
Luke: This should cover it.
Andrew: A hundred bucks? That’s way too much!
Luke: Take it.
Logan: Rory, you’re special.
Rory: Like “stop-eating-the-paste” special?
Sookie: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
Michel: Are there 12?
Sookie: 12 what?
Michel: Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.
Sookie: Or what?
Michel: What do you mean, or what?
Sookie: What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?
Michel: This is a silly conversation.
Sookie: Would you die?
Michel: Just hand me the plate.
Sookie: Only if you don’t count.
Michel: I won’t count.
Sookie: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, ‘May Destiny’s Child break up if I count these blueberries.’
Michel: Pick another group.
Michel: I hate you! Hate you!