Hank: If your sorority has to sell jam to buy beer, you’re drinking too much.
Hank Hill: Bobby, if you weren’t my son, I’d hug you.
Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol’ Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An’ lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It’s real easy, man.
Bobby: Oh! Spoons! Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?
Peggy: As long as it took that river to carve the Grand Canyon, that is how long women have been learning to subtly manipulate relationships.
Bill: I’m so depressed I can’t even blink.
Hank Hill: He’s a football player, and football players know how to treat a woman right.
Nancy Gribble: The truth is like sunlight. People used to think it’s good for you.
Hank Hill: Peg, I’m trying to control an outbreak, and you’re driving the monkey to the airport!
Bobby: My sloppy joe is all sloppy and no joe!
Bobby (on Ritalin): There’s some milk in the fridge that’s about to go bad…and there it goes.
Hank: I’m gonna kick your ass!