Peggy: As long as it took that river to carve the Grand Canyon, that is how long women have been learning to subtly manipulate relationships.

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Hank Hill: Bobby, if you weren’t my son, I’d hug you.

Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol’ Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An’ lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It’s real easy, man.

Bobby: Oh! Spoons! Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?

Bill: I’m so depressed I can’t even blink.

Hank Hill: He’s a football player, and football players know how to treat a woman right.