Tess Hunter: Daddy, Tina Hobbs said you were getting canned, so I put gum in her hair. What’s canned?
Lisa Hunter: It’s like summer vacation, except with $118 a month from the government.
Jerome Nash: Greeting all! Remember, only fifteen more shoplifting days til Christmas!
Kevin: I think it’s time for a new car, Lis.
Lisa: Why? This is a great car! So what if the doors won’t open and we need a rock to park uphill?
Kevin: At the risk of associating my car with my manhood, I want a big one that works!
Lisa: Yes, I’d like to order some flowers for my husband. Yeah, how much is the big “Please Forgive Me” bouquet? … Okay, how ’bout the small “Please Get Over It” bouquet?
Lisa: So, the kids are asleep.
Lisa: Anything good on tv?
Kevin: Not really.
Lisa: So, you wanna fight?
Kevin: Yeah, why not?
Lisa Hunter: Your grandpa was the greatest cop ever. He was like Baretta, Starsky, Hutch, McMillan AND wife, McCloud, all rolled into one. He was like Raymond Burr at the end: just one big ball of cop. You have no idea who I’m talking about, do you?
Tess Hunter: Yes, I do. There’s a cable channel that plays old peoples’ TV.
Connie Minardi: Lisa, when will all the lies end?
Lisa Hunter: Twelve-thirty-seven. Then we’re gonna lie some more from two to four, followed by cocktails and more lying.