Manny: Is something wrong? Who’s died?
Gloria: No one, Manny.
Jay: Why would you even think that?
Gloria: In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.

Run for Your Wife (season 1, episode 6)

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Phil: I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laughing out loud. OMG: Oh my God. WTF: Why the face?

Pilot (season 1, episode 1)

Claire: Your kids don’t need to know who you were before you had them. They need to know who you wish you were, and they need to try to live up to that person. They’re gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.
Phil: Which is why we don’t hide anything.
Claire: That is the opposite of what I just said.
Phil: I was not listening.