New Girl


Jess: You’re such a tonkel!
Winston: Whoa, hold it! Don’t nobody call me a tonkel.

Bells (season 1, episode 7)

Cece: Spencer cheated on you because he’s a total jerk, not ’cause you’re bad in bed.
Jess: It’s been six years. Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer or the Clinton impeachment trial.

Bad in Bed (season 1, episode 8)

Jess: I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.

Jess and Julia (season 1, episode 11)

Nick: Uh, Jess, this is Caroline.
Caroline: Hi.
Jess: One more time. Cara-lee?
Caroline: Uh, Caroline.
Jess: Caraloo? Coraline?
Nick: Caroline.
Jess: Oh, okay. Fancy.

Wedding (Season 1, Episode 3)

Nick: Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Schmidt: Well I wouldn’t exactly call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

Menzies (season 2, episode 7)

Winston: Here’s what I was thinking, okay? If we wanna win this concert, we play something cool, like “Eye of the Tiger.”
Bianca: What’s “Eye of the Tiger”?
Winston: “Eye of the Tiger” is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool, it ended the Cold War.
Jess: That’s not even a little bit true.

Bells (season 1, episode 7)

Nick: That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen, Jess!
Schmidt: I’m really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, “Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?”

Wedding (Season 1 Episode 3)