Dave: Bill, haven’t you ever heard the expression, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?”
Bill: Dave, haven’t you ever heard the expression, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for?”

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Lisa: What about that sweet 18-year-old kid in accounting who had that crush on you?
Dave: Oh, that was completely different.
Lisa: Why?
Dave: Well, for one thing, he was a guy. And he thought I was gay. And he brought his mother to work and introduced me as his boss-slash-husband.
Lisa: Well, it was still flattering, wasn’t it?
Dave: Oh, lord yes.

Bill: Good fortune happy lucky big time for you and the family… Never really understood what that one meant, but it always stuck with me.

Jimmy: Thanks, Bill.
Bill: Thanks for what, Jim? Thanks for being man enough to bear up to the curse of my overpowering machismo?
Jimmy: Yeah. Thanks for that.
Bill: You’re welcome, my friend. You are welcome.

Jimmy: If I believed in fairy tales I never would have dropped out of kindergarten.

Lisa: If everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Dave: If everyone around here thought I should jump off a bridge, they’d probably just get together and push me.