Lisa: If everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Dave: If everyone around here thought I should jump off a bridge, they’d probably just get together and push me.

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Bill: The eyes are the windows to the skull.
Dave: “Soul”.
Bill: For those who have one, yes.

Bill: You do realize by ‘gay’ I mean a man who has sex with other men?

Jimmy: Just remember, Dave, let it out…
Dave: Or sweat it out. Yes, I know, sir. I just love advice that rhymes.

Dave: You can’t just pluck someone off the street and put him on the air.
Bill: Of course you can. How do you think Edward R. Murrow was discovered?
Dave: That is not how Edward R. Murrow was discovered.
Bill: Don’t confuse me with the facts.

Dave: Wait a minute, Joe. If what you’re saying is true, then… I still don’t care.