Lisa: If everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Dave: If everyone around here thought I should jump off a bridge, they’d probably just get together and push me.

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Jimmy: Thanks, Bill.
Bill: Thanks for what, Jim? Thanks for being man enough to bear up to the curse of my overpowering machismo?
Jimmy: Yeah. Thanks for that.
Bill: You’re welcome, my friend. You are welcome.

Matthew: Believe me, I have seen my dark side, and it is yucky.

Dave: Hey Bill, I’m your friend.
Bill: Oh yeah? Where were you last night at 3 A.M. when I was watching Steel Magnolias and crying my eyes out?

Dave: Mr. James, I didn’t see you come in.
Jimmy: Yeah, I like it that way. Like that magician…
Dave: David Copperfield?
Jimmy: No.
Dave: Siegfried?
Jimmy: No.
Dave: Roy?
Jimmy: That’s the one.

Jimmy: I wanted a house just like Xanadu, but without a dorky name.
Lisa: So what did you call it?
Jimmy: Fort Awesome.