Lisa: Just because you end a relationship with somebody doesn’t mean you cut them out of your life.
Dave: Oh really? Isn’t that actually the definition of ending a relationship?

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Lisa: If everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Dave: If everyone around here thought I should jump off a bridge, they’d probably just get together and push me.

Dave: Mr. James, I didn’t see you come in.
Jimmy: Yeah, I like it that way. Like that magician…
Dave: David Copperfield?
Jimmy: No.
Dave: Siegfried?
Jimmy: No.
Dave: Roy?
Jimmy: That’s the one.

Dave: Hey Bill, I’m your friend.
Bill: Oh yeah? Where were you last night at 3 A.M. when I was watching Steel Magnolias and crying my eyes out?

Lisa: I want to have a baby. Immediately.
Dave: And I want to get married, at some unspecified time in the near future.

Jimmy: I wanted a house just like Xanadu, but without a dorky name.
Lisa: So what did you call it?
Jimmy: Fort Awesome.