Raul: This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protestors away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Baraqua. You shout like that they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists, we have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing: right to jail. You are playing music too loud: right to jail, right away. Driving too fast: jail. Slow: jail. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses: you right to jail. You undercook fish? Believe it or not, jail. You overcook chicken, also jail. Undercook, overcook. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don’t show up, believe it or not, jail, right away. We have the best patients in the world because of jail.

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More from Parks and Recreation

Lawrence: Hey park lady! You suck.
Leslie: Hear that? He called me park lady.

Man: Park, huh? Sounds like a really good idea.
Mark: Great. Would you be willing to come to a town meeting and show your support?
Man: Absolutely. Now is this park gonna have a playground or maybe a pool for the kids?
Mark: Oh, how old are your kids?
Man: No kids.
Tom: Uh-oh.
April: I’m gonna put him down as a “yes.”
Mark: Don’t do that.
Man: Also, is the park gonna be at least a thousand feet from my house? Because, y’know, I really can’t move again.
Mark: April, please stand behind me.

Canvassing

Ron: My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe…when he desires them.

Boys' Club

Ron: I’ve been quite open about this around the office: I don’t want this parks department to build any parks because I don’t believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese.

Leslie Knope: When I go through these doors, I need to be “on”, like the White House Press Secretary. Are you ready?
Tom Haverford: Yes.
Leslie Knope: OK! Here we go! It’s locked.