Police Squad!


Ted Olson: Run along, Jenny, and next week I’ll show you why women can’t play professional football.

Mimi: Is this some kind of bust?
Det. Frank Drebin: Yes, ma’am, it’s very impressive, but we need to ask you a few questions.

Det. Frank Drebin: My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad. There’d been a recent wave of gorgeous fashion models found naked and unconscious in laundromats on the West Side. Unfortunately, I was assigned to investigate holdups of neighborhood credit unions. I was across town doing my laundry when I got the call on the double killing. It took me twenty minutes to get there. My boss was already on the scene.

Det. Frank Drebin: We’re sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn’t dead then.

Dutch Gunderson: Who are you and how did you get in here?
Det. Frank Drebin: I’m a locksmith. And, I’m a locksmith.

Veronica: You took a big chance knocking down that guy.
Det. Frank Drebin: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan.