Justin: I’m not a child. I’m turning 18 soon. That means I can vote, and get married, and join the army.
Emmett: Hopefully not on the same day.

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Daphne: Hi, I’m not a lesbian, but I’m a big fan.

Debbie: It’s not about who you love, it’s how you love. Genitalia is just God’s way of accessorizing.

Michael: What’s wrong with here?
Brian: I’ve had everyone in here.

Debbie: If I have to watch Martha Stewart make one more goddamn thing out of goat cheese, I’m going to kill myself.
Vic: AMC has a Joan Crawford festival all week.
Debbie: Nobody’s that gay.

Emmett: A song and a snack can turn any moment into an occasion.