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More from Red Dwarf

Rimmer: Yes, but Rimmer Directive 217 states just as clearly, “No chance you metal bastard.”

White Hole

Lister: Come with us back to Dallas, November 1963. Be a second gunman. The gunman behind the grassy knoll.
John F. Kennedy: You mean assassinate myself?
Lister: Yeah! It’ll drive the conspiracy nuts crazy, but they’ll never figure it out.

Rimmer: What are you talking about?
Lister: I’m talking about playing your self-hypnosis tapes all through the night. “Learn Esperanto While You Sleep.” “Learn Quantum Theory While You Sleep.”
Rimmer: We both got the same benefit.
Lister: Yeah, neither of us got any sleep.

Rimmer: Well, if you have any more problems with nothing or things that don’t matter, just scream out my name hysterically and I’ll come pelting down the corridor!

Rimmer: After intensive investigation, comma, of the markings on the alien pod, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma, that we are dealing, comma, with a species of awesome intellect, colon.
Holly: Good. Perhaps they might be able to give you a hand with your punctuation.

Waiting for God