Lister: I remember when my dad died you know. I was only six. I got loads of presents off everyone like it was Christmas. I remember wishing a couple more people would die so I could complete my Lego set. My grandma tried to explain you know. She said he’d gone away and he wasn’t coming back. So I wanted to know where like, you know. She said he was very happy and he’d gone to the same place as my goldfish. So I thought they’d flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just round the U bend you know. I used to stuff food down, you know, and magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child psychologist in the end because they found me with my head down the bowl reading him the football results.

tagged: death, fatherhood

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Rimmer: We can’t afford to take any chances. Jump up to red alert.
Kryten: Are you sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb.

Rimmer: Well, at least he gets 24 hours’ notice. That’s more than most of us get. All most of us get is ‘Mind that bus’, ‘What bus?’, splat! How’s he taking it?

Lister: “To the lease holder of Kryten 2X4B 523P.” That’s your full name?
Kryten: Yes, but personally I don’t much like the 2X4B. I think it’s a jerky middle name. Still, it could be worse. I once knew an android whose middle name was 2Q4B. Poor sucker!

Cat: I’m hungry, I just have to eat.
Lister: Shh, Rimmers dad’s just died.
Cat: I’d prefer chicken.

Kryten: My goodness, I do believe I’m drunk. I suddenly feel the need to strut my funky stuff!

The Last Day (1989)