Lister: I remember when my dad died you know. I was only six. I got loads of presents off everyone like it was Christmas. I remember wishing a couple more people would die so I could complete my Lego set. My grandma tried to explain you know. She said he’d gone away and he wasn’t coming back. So I wanted to know where like, you know. She said he was very happy and he’d gone to the same place as my goldfish. So I thought they’d flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just round the U bend you know. I used to stuff food down, you know, and magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child psychologist in the end because they found me with my head down the bowl reading him the football results.

tagged: death, fatherhood

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Lister: You see I try sir. I’m not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect and everything, but it’s not easy because he’s such a smeghead.
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Todhunter: Oh Rimmer, you are a smeghead.

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Lister: Yeah, I just don’t think it applies to kitchen utensils. I’m not a Fryingpantheist.

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