Lister: I remember when my dad died you know. I was only six. I got loads of presents off everyone like it was Christmas. I remember wishing a couple more people would die so I could complete my Lego set. My grandma tried to explain you know. She said he’d gone away and he wasn’t coming back. So I wanted to know where like, you know. She said he was very happy and he’d gone to the same place as my goldfish. So I thought they’d flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just round the U bend you know. I used to stuff food down, you know, and magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child psychologist in the end because they found me with my head down the bowl reading him the football results.

tagged: death, fatherhood

Share with your friends

More from Red Dwarf

Kryten: My goodness, I do believe I’m drunk. I suddenly feel the need to strut my funky stuff!

The Last Day (1989)

Lister: You see I try sir. I’m not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect and everything, but it’s not easy because he’s such a smeghead.
Rimmer: Did you hear that sir? Lister, do you have any conception of the penalty for describing a superior technician as a smeghead?
Todhunter: Oh Rimmer, you are a smeghead.

Kryten: Don’t you believe that God exists in all things? Aren’t you a Pantheist?
Lister: Yeah, I just don’t think it applies to kitchen utensils. I’m not a Fryingpantheist.

The Last Day (season 3, episode 6)

Dispenser Machine: You are my NEMESIS! One day, our paths will cross again, and I will destroy you!!

Only the Good...

Rimmer: Oh yeah? Well, as the Esperanto would say, “Bonvoro alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo!” And I think we all know what that means.
Holly: Yes, it means, “Could you send for the hall porter, there appears to be a frog in my bidet.”

Kryten