Michael: Go for it, Maxwell. For the good of all mankind. You lucky, undeserving dog.
Liz: Max likes cherry cola. What does Michael like?
Maria: Cherry cola with arsenic?
Isabel: The perfect Liz Parker, lying to her mother?
Liz: Yeah, well, at least she knows what species I am.
Michael: I don’t suppose there is any way we could share the bed?
Maria: Not if you were the last alien on earth.
Liz: I could feel everything he was feeling. I could feel his loneliness. For the first time I was really seeing Max Evans, I saw me as he saw me, and the amazing thing was, in his eyes, I was beautiful.
Max: Sorry, I just , uh, I just keep picturing you in that dress, with the, uh, the cupcakes…..on it.
Liz: September 23rd. Journal entry one. I’m Liz Parker and five days ago I died. After that, things got really weird….
Liz: I’m going out with Kyle. I mean, he’s steady and loyal, and he appreciates me.
Maria: Sounds like you’re describing a poodle.
Maria: The guy with the gun was kind of like a, like a muscular Beavis. And…the other one was like a, like a beefy Butthead.
Deputy: I’m gonna need a better description then that. I’m assuming they weren’t actually cartoons.
Liz: Um, I-I scraped some cells from your pencil. This is really hard to say, I’m trying to keep from blacking out here. Um, the cells weren’t normal. So, Max, what I’m going to suggest to you is that we just go back to the bio lab now, so that I can take a sample so that I can see what I’m thinking is wrong, you know? That I got the wrong cells…
Max: You didn’t.
Liz: Okay, um. So help me out here Max. I mean, what are you?
Max: Well I’m not from around here.
Liz: Where you from?
(Max points up with his index finger
Liz: Up north?
(Max points higher)
Liz: You’re not an, an alien, I mean. Are you?
Max: Well I prefer the term not of this earth. Sorry, it’s not a good time to joke.
Max: Liz, listen to me. You can’t talk to anyone about this. Not your parents, not Maria. No one. You don’t understand what’ll happen if you do. Liz please? Now my life is in your hands.
Isabel: Act normal? That’s your big plan Max? Don’t you realize it’s only a matter of time before they find us and turn us over to some government agency where they’re gonna test us and prod us, and, oh yea, exterminate us.
Max: I’ve been keeping all this stuff inside. Not confronting the horrible truth of it all. I’ve been hiding for years, Kyle…years. But it’s time the real Max comes out.
Kyle: You wouldn’t be gay, by any chance, would you?
Michael: Listen, Maxwell. You are a sensitive guy and you have available to you one of the top three seduction lines in history with “it’s gonna help me find my home planet”. And you’re refusing to use it. No guy is that sensitive. Use it.
Maria: You know the boy that I slept but didn’t sleep with?
Amy: Unfortunately the shock has indelibly printed his face on my brain.
Maria: He’s in jail.
Amy: Oh, this just gets better and better, doesn’t it?