That 70’s Show

Quotations

Steven Hyde: Okay. All right. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Steven Hyde: I bled. I didn’t cry.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled and you cried.
Steven Hyde: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding… You see my point?
Michael Kelso: Yeah: it’s funny when friends get hurt.
Steven Hyde: Close enough.

Michael Kelso: Ooooh! Burn! That’s a burn about a burn! That’s a 2nd degree burn!

Jackie Burkhardt: Eric, no offense, I know she’s your sister, but Laurie is such a whore.
Eric: Jackie, not since the “Smokey and the Bandit” debate, are you and I so on the same page.

Steven Hyde: What’s wrong with Mrs. Foreman’s parents?
Kitty Forman: Nothing. They’re very complicated people who can’t be summed up in a couple of words.
Eric: Grandma yells, Grandpa drinks.

Kelso: Hey, Eric, maybe she’s going to give you the big gift. You know, the BIG gift. You guys know what I’m talking about right?
Hyde: Yes, Kelso. We got it. Then, we got it.
Fez: I’m not even from here, and I got it.

Red Forman: You need to grow up and learn some responsibility.
Eric: I love you too, Dad.
Red Forman: What? Stop being weird.
Eric: Thanks.

Michael Kelso: If you really do love her, there’s only one thing to do, man. You gotta dump her and live free.

Red Forman: Once again, an open bar spells disaster for the Foreman family.

Michael Kelso: C’mon Eric, we never ask you for anything.
Eric: You guys ask me for everything.
Michael Kelso: So, what’s one more thing?

Donna Pinciotti: I love you, Eric.
Eric: I love… cake.

I Love Cake

Fez: Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leave a note saying “sorry I missed you”.

Red Forman: Dear Lord, would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season? Oh, and uh, watch over my loving family, blah blah blah…

Kitty Forman: Oh, Red, you do care.

Eric: Donna, it’s just that… if I say it, and then we break up, what would I tell myself?
Donna Pinciotti: You could tell yourself you still have cake, we both know how much it means to you.
Eric: OK, I deserve that.

Red Forman: We’re all gonna go to church and we’re gonna have a damn nice Sunday.

Fez: Wow, my first X-rated movie. I don’t know what’s going on, but that is the luckiest pizza boy ever.

Fez: What’s disco?
Steven Hyde: It’s from Hell. And, not the cool part of hell where all the murderers are either, but the lame-ass part where accountants are from.

Kitty Forman: Why don’t you try some of that forgiveness that Jesus talked so much about so much?

Eric: My head hurts.
Red Forman: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

Red Forman: I’ve been working since I was sixteen. I fought two in wars. Hell, I’ve killed people. I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy it…

Fez: This suit is for leisure. But many times I wear it to get down to business.

Laurie Forman: Oh, for God’s sake! Eric saw you guys doing it!
Kitty Forman: Oh, honey. You saw your father and I having inter…
Eric: Mom!
Laurie Forman: Oh, well, no wonder you have been acting so strange. Red, say something to the boy.
Red Forman: Oh! Ummm… It’s more fun than it looks.

Red Forman: What have I said about comparing your sister to the Devil?
Eric: That it’s offensive to the Devil?

Red Forman: I like the sound of a beer church.

Michael Kelso: I miss Eric.
Jackie Burkhardt: Well, you still have me.
Michael Kelso: It’s not the same, Jackie. I can talk to Eric about things that I can’t talk about with you.
Jackie Burkhardt: Okay, well like what?
Michael Kelso: Well, for instance, the annoying things you do.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael.
Michael Kelso: See, I can’t talk to you.