Michael Kelso: I miss Eric.
Jackie Burkhardt: Well, you still have me.
Michael Kelso: It’s not the same, Jackie. I can talk to Eric about things that I can’t talk about with you.
Jackie Burkhardt: Okay, well like what?
Michael Kelso: Well, for instance, the annoying things you do.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael.
Michael Kelso: See, I can’t talk to you.

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Jackie Burkhardt: Eric, no offense, I know she’s your sister, but Laurie is such a whore.
Eric: Jackie, not since the “Smokey and the Bandit” debate, are you and I so on the same page.

Steven Hyde: What’s wrong with Mrs. Foreman’s parents?
Kitty Forman: Nothing. They’re very complicated people who can’t be summed up in a couple of words.
Eric: Grandma yells, Grandpa drinks.

Steven Hyde: Okay. All right. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Steven Hyde: I bled. I didn’t cry.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled and you cried.
Steven Hyde: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding… You see my point?
Michael Kelso: Yeah: it’s funny when friends get hurt.
Steven Hyde: Close enough.

Red Forman: You need to grow up and learn some responsibility.
Eric: I love you too, Dad.
Red Forman: What? Stop being weird.
Eric: Thanks.

Michael Kelso: If you really do love her, there’s only one thing to do, man. You gotta dump her and live free.