Red Forman: When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix them, they can turn you into a dumbass.

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Red Forman: Forman, party of two.
Restaurant Hostess: Okey dokey, that’ll be about two hours.
Red Forman: Here’s twenty bucks.
Restaurant Hostess: Okay we’ll have something in fifteen minutes.
Red Forman: You don’t want this place to burn down twice do you?
Restaurant Hostess: Okay we have something right now.
Red Forman: I thought so. Well, it looks like it’s our lucky night.

Red: Let me get this straight – Donna told you she wanted to get back together and you said no?
Eric: I said no.
Red: What the Hell is wrong with you?
Kitty Forman: Dumbass!

Michael Kelso: If this van’s a-rockin’… we’re in there doing it.

Hyde: You don’t burn someone who’s already crying!

Eric: Look, Dad, I need my car. Don’t you remember when you were in high school? I bet you had some good times, driving around senior year with your friends.
Red: My senior year, I was driving a gun boat around Okinawa. And, if you count the Japanese snipers as my friends, then yes, I had some good times.