Red Forman: When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix them, they can turn you into a dumbass.
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Kitty Forman: Have you ever baked a pie before?
Jackie Burkhardt: No, I don’t really cook much. I kinda was just hoping to get by on my looks.
Kitty Forman: I really doubt that she’s just abandoning Stephen, I mean, she’s his mother.
Eric: Mom, her exact words were “I know I’m your mother but I’m abandoning you.”
Kitty Forman: What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?
Kelso: Yes! And until now, everyone else had the good grace not to mention it!
Eric: Yeah, I mean, when the empire killed Luke Skywalker’s aunt and uncle, did he just call them up?
The others: Ahh, nooo…
Eric: No. He hopped on the Millenium Falcon, and he paid a little visit to the Death Star.
Kitty Forman: Red’s mother is coming.
Midge Pinciotti: What’s that pet name she has for you?
Kitty Forman: Whore.