Red: Nothing around this house is cheap.
Eric: Except for Laurie.
Laurie Forman: I am not cheap!
Eric: Free, whatever.

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Eric: Kelso, I don’t know if you should come over to dinner tonight.
Michael Kelso: Look, I know you think it’s gonna be uncomfortable because I’m dating Laurie. But, look, Red loves Laurie, and Laurie loves me. Red has to like me. I mean, what kind of father doesn’t love the guy who’s nailing his daughter?

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Eric: Mom, her exact words were “I know I’m your mother but I’m abandoning you.”

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Kelso: Yes! And until now, everyone else had the good grace not to mention it!

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The others: Ahh, nooo…
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