Red Forman: When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn’t like me can kiss my ass.

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Donna Pinciotti: Why does your dad want to ruin my dad’s barbecue?
Eric: Well, my dad thinks that if your dad’s barbecue is better than his, the Russkies are gonna take over the planet.

Red Forman: Forman, party of two.
Restaurant Hostess: Okey dokey, that’ll be about two hours.
Red Forman: Here’s twenty bucks.
Restaurant Hostess: Okay we’ll have something in fifteen minutes.
Red Forman: You don’t want this place to burn down twice do you?
Restaurant Hostess: Okay we have something right now.
Red Forman: I thought so. Well, it looks like it’s our lucky night.

Red: Let me get this straight – Donna told you she wanted to get back together and you said no?
Eric: I said no.
Red: What the Hell is wrong with you?
Kitty Forman: Dumbass!

Michael Kelso: If this van’s a-rockin’… we’re in there doing it.

Hyde: You don’t burn someone who’s already crying!