Seth: If someone had told me last year that you and I would be the two loneliest people in Newport, I wouldn’t have believed them. Well, at least not the you part.
Sandy: Since the minute you were born, I knew I would never take another easy breath without knowing that you were all right.
Seth: So I’m like asthma?
Julie: He basically called me white trash. He said I was from Riverside.
Jimmy: Honey, you are from Riverside.
Julie: It was his tone.
Seth: I didn’t know they had musicals in Chino. I didn’t even know they had dancing or laughter.
Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing Magic: The Gathering.
Ryan: You’re still playing Magic.
Seth: But not as much.
Marissa: I hate Christmas.
Ryan: Well, Chrismukkah ain’t much better.
Seth: Mom, on the other hand, Waspy McWasp.
Sandy: We’re so proud.
Kirsten: I am not a Wasp!
Ryan: Drinking, crying, cops, well it must be Christmas.
Sandy: Don’t salt his game, honey.
Kirsten: What the hell does that mean?
Seth: Dude, what did you tell her?
Ryan: I didn’t tell her anything. I think the black turtleneck in August tipped her off.
Seth: Okay, I was going for stealth, and also it’s slimming.
Seth: You know what I mean?
Ryan: Hardly ever.
Seth: So what’s the GP, RA?
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: You’re just using initials now?
Seth: Yeah, it saves time.
Ryan: Well, not if you have to translate.
Ryan: Game plan?
Seth: Good point.
Summer: Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh wait, who? Cohen does!
Seth: Well, they have God on their side okay, Summer? I’m not going to beat Jesus.
Sandy: Whoa, that kid is not funny.
Seth: Thank you. I know.
Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny.
Seth: He makes Marissa look funny.
Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.
Summer: She’s from Pittsburgh! That’s, like, the 909 of the east!
Summer: … and this music –
Seth: Hey. Do not insult Death Cab.
Summer: It’s like one guitar and a whole lot of complaining.