Michael: Am I going to tell them? No, I’m not going to tell them. I don’t see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.

Pilot (season 1, episode 1)

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Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don’t write Ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I’m suffering from both of them.
Pam: I’m inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
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Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That’s spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.

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Diversity Day (season 1, episode 2)

Michael: Hi, I’m Michael Scott, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I’m also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because Today is almost over.

Diversity Day (season 1, episode 2)

Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be: Bob Hope, um, Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono… uh, and probably God would be the fourth one. And, I just think all those people really, uh, helped the world in so many ways, that it’s, um, it’s really beyond words. It’s really incalculcable.

Pilot (season 1, episode 1)