Oscar: I can play basketball if you need any help.
Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.

Basketball (season 1, episode 5)

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Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. I’m just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Sexual Harassment (season 2, episode 2)

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include “That’s what she said?”
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so…
Michael: That’s what she said!

Sexual Harassment (season 2, episode 2)

Michael: A lot of the people here don’t get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean who’s going to give Kevin an award, Dunkin’ Donuts? Plus, bonus, it’s really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he’ll tell his neighbor, “Hey, did you get an award?” And the neighbor will say, “No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me.” Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor’s house. Neighbor’s hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.

The Dundies (season 2, episode 1)

Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm… sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

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Roy: Hey Jimmy, what do you think about purse girl?
Jim: Cute, sure.
Roy: Why don’t you get on that?
Jim: She’s not really my type.
Roy: What are you, gay?
Jim: Mmm… I don’t think so, nope.
Kevin: Well what is your type?
Jim: Moms primarily. Yup. Soccer moms, single moms, Nascar moms, any type of mom, really.
Roy: That is disgusting.
Kevin: Stay away from my mom.
Jim: Too late, Kev.

Hot Girl (season 1, episode 6)