Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

The Dundies (season 2, episode 1)

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Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don’t write Ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I’m suffering from both of them.
Pam: I’m inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let’s say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That’s spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.

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Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Diversity Day (season 1, episode 2)

Pam: Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue and that I do not agree with, you would maybe… not be a very good driver.
Dwight: Aw, man! Am I a woman? Aww! Boo!

Diversity Day (season 1, episode 2)

Michael: Hi, I’m Michael Scott, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I’m also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because Today is almost over.

Diversity Day (season 1, episode 2)

Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be: Bob Hope, um, Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono… uh, and probably God would be the fourth one. And, I just think all those people really, uh, helped the world in so many ways, that it’s, um, it’s really beyond words. It’s really incalculcable.

Pilot (season 1, episode 1)