Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard “women and children first”. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.

The Fire (season 2, episode 4)

Share with your friends

More from The Office (U.S.)

Michael: When I retire, I don’t want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives everything back. I want it to be like: “Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?” “Umm, well, uh, I don’t know. It was anonymous.” “Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott!” “But— it was anonymous, how do you know?” “…Because I’m him!”

The Alliance (season 1, episode 4)

Meredith: This one’s from Michael. “Let’s hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age.”
Michael: Get it? ‘Cause of the downsizing. Rumors. And ’cause you’re getting old.
Meredith: I get it.

The Alliance (season 1, episode 4)

Jim: Dwight, don’t you need health insurance?
Dwight: Don’t need it. Perfect immunity. I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you need to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Health Care (season 1, episode 3)

Dwight: OK, first let’s go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael: Uh, none. You’re picking a healthcare plan.

Health Care (season 1, episode 3)

Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don’t write Ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I’m suffering from both of them.
Pam: I’m inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let’s say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That’s spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.

Health Care (season 1, episode 3)