The Simpsons


Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Bart: Uh-huh.
Man: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Nimoy: Surprise me.

Mo: Awww, ain’t that cute? Makes Little Debbie look like a pile of puke!

Madam: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

Mr. Burns: Who is this Homer Simpson?
Smithers: Actually, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, and his wife painted you in the nude.
Mr. Burns: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Homer: Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!

Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kodos (as Bob Dole): It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way your planet is doomed….DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole!

A dog like that you have to feed EVERY DAY.

Burns: Honestly, Smithers, I don’t even know why Harvard continues to show up. Why, they barely even won.

Marge: Is everything okay? I got worried when I didn’t hear any shots.

Milhouse: I can’t go on. You two go ahead. And carry me with you.

Marge: Now, how are we going to get my Homey back?
Willy: I’ll kidnap him for fifty, deprogram him for a hundred, and kill him for five hundred.
Marge: No, no, no. Just the first two.
Willy: Alright. I’ll throw in the killing for free.

Nelson: Ha ha!

Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien.
Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman’s club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it’s a felony to lie to the F.B.I.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney’s car eating packets of mustard. You happy?

Homer: Maybe for once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding ‘You’re making a scene’.

Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing there are too many fat children.

Hutz: I rest my case your Honor!
Judge: Hmmmmm, Mr. Hutz do you realize you’re not wearing any pants.

Homer: When you’re an experienced woodsman, you get a feel for these things. It’s like a third sense.

Kodos (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOOO!!
Dole: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOO!!!!
Dole: Hmmmmmm…..abortions for some….miniature American flags for others!
Crowd: YEAY!!!!

Passerby: Well do us all a favour and invent yourself some underpants!

Burns: I know I should be resisting but I’m paralized with rage…and island rhythms.

Homer: In high school I was voted most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee.

Moe: If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, use the amnesia ray on him.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes. And wipe your own memory clean when you’re done.

Homer: If I could just say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.

Homer: God bless those Pagans.