The Simpsons

Quotations

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Gotta go, Mo. My idiot kids are listening.
Bart & Lisa: HEY!!

Homer: I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming.

Superintendant Chalmers: How come when I heard the word ‘school’ followed by the word ‘exploded’ I immediately thought of the word SKINNER!?

Skinner: Uh oh, two independent thought alarms in one day. The children are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?

Marge: Grandpa, why are there only 49 stars on that flag?
Grandpa: It’ll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missourah!

Bart: Please dad?
Homer: No.
Bart: Please dad?
Homer: No. Look boy, I don’t blame you for bugging me like this because when you bug me like this I usually give in…shows you’ve been paying attention…but we both know I’m not going to give you a hundred dollars.

Moe: The new fryer’s here! I bought it used from the navy. You could flash-fry a buffallo in 40 seconds in that baby.
Homer: 40 seconds?? But I want it now!

Homer: Please, Marge. How often can I see a movie of this caliber on late night tv?
Marge: Is there something wrong, Homey?
Homer: No. It’s just that I’ve only seen this movie twice before, and I’ve seen you every night for the last eleve-yaiii! What I meant to say is, um, we’ll snuggle tomorrow, sweetie. I promise.

Principal Skinner: Alright, Martin. For your community service, you’ll be setting up a midnight basketball program for inner city street gangs.

Homer: No beer and no T.V. make Homer something something…
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don’t mind if I do!

Baby on Board
Baby on board,
How I’ve adored,
That sign on my car’s windowpane.
Bounce in my step,Loaded with pep,
‘Cause I’m drivin’ in the carpool lane.
Call me a square,
Friend, I don’t care.
That little yellow sign can’t be ignored.
I’m tellin’ you it’s mighty nice.
Each trip’s like a trip to paradise
With my baby on board.

Flanders: Calm down, Neddilly-diddily-diddily-diddily…. They did their best…. Shoddilly-iddily-iddily-diddly… Gotta be nice…. hostility-ility-bility-dility- Aw, hell, diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can’t you morons do anything right?

Skinner: His brand of gum- Doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I’ll double your detention. I wish someone was around to hear that.

Nelson: Society Blows.

Homer: Aww there’s only one beer left and it’s Bart’s!

Barney: Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the womanand you’ll realize you have nothing in common.
Homer: Barney, that’s so insightful — how did you come up with it?
Barney: It was printed on this bar napkin.

Lisa: I think it’s ironic that it was dad’s weight that allowed him to plug the hole, while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it’s ironic that for once dad’s butt prevented the escape of toxic ga-
Marge: BART!

Homer: Marge, can we trade? I don’t trust these guys.

Marge: Well, Ralph, you sound like a very imaginative little boy.
Ralph: Waahh! She touched me in my “special area”.

Homer: After years of disappointment with get rich quick scheme, I know I’m gonna get rich with this scheme. And quick.

Principal Skinner: Milhouse? Do you like the beach?
Milhouse: Who doesn’t?
Principal Skinner: Good. I want you to pick up all this medical waste that’s washed up on the shore, here.
Milhouse: Ow! I pricked myself.
Principal Skinner: Well, just keep working. You’ll prick yourself with the antidote sooner or later.

Homer: Flanders was a zombie?

Flaming Mo
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life.
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife.
But don’t throw in the towel
‘Cause there’s a place right down the block
Where you can drink your misery away.
At Flaming Moe’s.
Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s.
Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s.
When liquor in a mug
Can warm you like a hug.
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.

Mo: You’re a pig. Barney’s a pig. Larry’s a pig. we’re all pigs… once in a while, we can crawl out of the slop, hose ourselves off, and act like human beings.