Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
Wiggum: Okay, folks, show’s over. Nothing to see here, show’s… Oh my God! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don’t be shy, crowd around!
Homer: Every time I learn something new, a little of the old gets pushed out of my brain. Remember that time I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: You were drunk!
Homer: And how.
Jebadiah Springfield: A Noble Spirit Embiggens the Smallest Man.
Homer: Can’t talk … eating.
Burns: You’re not as stupid as you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates.
Kent: Would you like to hear my award-winning secret? Try public interest stories, they target the heart and fog the mind.
Smithers: If Mr. Burns wants to see a stranger he will look at him through a high-powered telescope.
Burns: Smithers, what’s going on? How dare you interrupt my lime ricky?!
Homer: Why won’t you be art?!
Bart: What’s everyone’s problem? I’m glad we’re stranded. It’ll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We’re gonna live like kings. Damn hell ass kings!
Homer: Could you open the window? The cops have daddy’s prints on file.
Kent Brockman: Police say the fake Pope can be easily recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.
Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer Simpson: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
Skinner: Oh, you think this stolen ‘H’ is a laugh riot, don’t you? Well, I’ll tell you something that’s not so funny: right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny.
Neil Armstong: This is one small step to firing your ass!
Mr. Burns: Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, What will you be doing? Something gay no doubt?
Smithers: Wha…? I…
Mr. Burns: You know, mothers lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Eh, eh, eh, exactly sir.
Lisa: Can’t talk … coming down.
Homer: Oh no! Aliens! Bio-duplication! Nude consperesicies! Oh my God! Linden Lerouche was right!!
Kent: Lock your doors and bar your windows, because the next advertisement you see could destroy your house and eat your family.
Burns: Well, what do you want then?
Burns: What? Selling lightbulbs? Collecting for charity? Keen on Jesus? Out with it!
Homer: How ’bout it, Bart? Would you like a backyard BBQ pit?
Bart: Can I burn evidence in it?
Homer: We can all burn evidence in it.
Marge: What exactly is it your company does again?
Homer: Come on. This industry is moving so fast, it’s really hard to tell. That’s why I need a name that’s cutting edge, like Cutco, Edgecom… Interslice.
Rev. Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now, let’s say the Lord’s Prayer forty times, but first let’s pass the collection plate.
Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!
Lisa: That’s the home-owner’s tax.
Homer: Well anyway I’m still outraged.
Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Man: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Nimoy: Surprise me.