Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien.
Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman’s club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it’s a felony to lie to the F.B.I.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney’s car eating packets of mustard. You happy?
Homer: Maybe for once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding ‘You’re making a scene’.
Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing there are too many fat children.
Hutz: I rest my case your Honor!
Judge: Hmmmmm, Mr. Hutz do you realize you’re not wearing any pants.
Homer: When you’re an experienced woodsman, you get a feel for these things. It’s like a third sense.
Kodos (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOOO!!
Dole: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOO!!!!
Dole: Hmmmmmm…..abortions for some….miniature American flags for others!
Passerby: Well do us all a favour and invent yourself some underpants!
Burns: I know I should be resisting but I’m paralized with rage…and island rhythms.
Homer: In high school I was voted most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee.
Moe: If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, use the amnesia ray on him.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes. And wipe your own memory clean when you’re done.
Homer: If I could just say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.
Homer: God bless those Pagans.
Dr. Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously underweight individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.
Lisa: I’m impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.
Hutz: What? AHH!!….. I call for one of those bad court thingies!
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Homer: Now I’ve had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.
Kang (as Clinton): My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!
Homer: Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!
Homer: Can I at least make you coffee Mr. Burns?
Burns: No! No thank you! Coffee’s already made! I stomped the beans myself! Hear that? The percolations are imminent!
Homer: Mel Brooks is Jewish?
Marge: Honey, I’m so glad you’re home.
Homer: Can’t talk. See Flanders. Later sex.
Mulder: What’s the point of this test, Scully?
Scully: No point, I just think he could stand to lose a little weight.
Mulder: His jiggling…is…almost hypnotic.
Scully: Yes…it’s like a lava lamp.
Bart: Don’t have a cow, man.
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.