The Simpsons

Quotations

Flanders: Calm down, Neddilly-diddily-diddily-diddily…. They did their best…. Shoddilly-iddily-iddily-diddly… Gotta be nice…. hostility-ility-bility-dility- Aw, hell, diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can’t you morons do anything right?

Skinner: His brand of gum- Doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I’ll double your detention. I wish someone was around to hear that.

Nelson: Society Blows.

Homer: Aww there’s only one beer left and it’s Bart’s!

Barney: Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the womanand you’ll realize you have nothing in common.
Homer: Barney, that’s so insightful — how did you come up with it?
Barney: It was printed on this bar napkin.

Lisa: I think it’s ironic that it was dad’s weight that allowed him to plug the hole, while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it’s ironic that for once dad’s butt prevented the escape of toxic ga-
Marge: BART!

Homer: Marge, can we trade? I don’t trust these guys.

Marge: Well, Ralph, you sound like a very imaginative little boy.
Ralph: Waahh! She touched me in my “special area”.

Homer: After years of disappointment with get rich quick scheme, I know I’m gonna get rich with this scheme. And quick.

Principal Skinner: Milhouse? Do you like the beach?
Milhouse: Who doesn’t?
Principal Skinner: Good. I want you to pick up all this medical waste that’s washed up on the shore, here.
Milhouse: Ow! I pricked myself.
Principal Skinner: Well, just keep working. You’ll prick yourself with the antidote sooner or later.

Homer: Flanders was a zombie?

Flaming Mo
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life.
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife.
But don’t throw in the towel
‘Cause there’s a place right down the block
Where you can drink your misery away.
At Flaming Moe’s.
Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s.
Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s.
When liquor in a mug
Can warm you like a hug.
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.

Mo: You’re a pig. Barney’s a pig. Larry’s a pig. we’re all pigs… once in a while, we can crawl out of the slop, hose ourselves off, and act like human beings.

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Homer: Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart’s a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now let’s go back to that…building…thingie…where our beds and TV…is.

Comic Book Guy: Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination.

Mindy: Homer, What’s wrong?
Homer: Like you don’t know! We’re going to have sex!
Mindy: Oh … We don’t have to.
Homer: Yes we do! The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well, desserts aren’t always right.
Homer: But they’re so sweet and tasty.

Marge: Grandpa, are you sitting in the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so.

Gil: Oh no! Not today, not to Gil! I could feel that sale. I was in the zone!

Principal Skinner: Oh children, I’m sure that Utur is around here somewhere. heh heh. In fact, isn’t there a little Utur in all of us?? HA HA! In fact, couldn’t you say that we just ATE Utur and he’s in our stomaches right now?!? HAHAHAHA! No…wait. Forget I said that last one.

Homer: Listen to ’em. Watchin’ my television. Sittin’ on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!

Nursing home nurse: Come on, Bart. We don’t want to over stimulate these people. They just had pudding.

Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns.
Ticket Master: First name?
Homer: I don’t know.

It Was a Very Good Beer
When I was 17,
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer,
I purchased with a fake I.D.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17.

Smithers: Sir, there may never be another time to say… I love you, sir.
Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.