Homer: Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!

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Jasper: Uh, who shot who in the what now?

Bart: Please dad?
Homer: No.
Bart: Please dad?
Homer: No. Look boy, I don’t blame you for bugging me like this because when you bug me like this I usually give in…shows you’ve been paying attention…but we both know I’m not going to give you a hundred dollars.

Moe: The new fryer’s here! I bought it used from the navy. You could flash-fry a buffallo in 40 seconds in that baby.
Homer: 40 seconds?? But I want it now!

Homer: Please, Marge. How often can I see a movie of this caliber on late night tv?
Marge: Is there something wrong, Homey?
Homer: No. It’s just that I’ve only seen this movie twice before, and I’ve seen you every night for the last eleve-yaiii! What I meant to say is, um, we’ll snuggle tomorrow, sweetie. I promise.

Principal Skinner: Alright, Martin. For your community service, you’ll be setting up a midnight basketball program for inner city street gangs.