Homer: Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!

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Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Marge: Mmm… Yes, I do.
Hutz: She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.

Homer: I’m pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I’ll just reach in and pull my legs out … now I’ll pull my arms out with my face.

Kang: It’s true! We are aliens! But what are you going to do about it? It’s a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!
Man in Crowd: Well, I’m just going to vote for a third party!
Kang: Go ahead! Throw your vote away!! HA HA HA HA!!!

Homer: A hundred bucks? For a comic book? Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?

Moe: If I ever get ahold of you I’m gonna rip your eyes out of their sockets and shove ’em down your pants so that you can watch me kick the crap outta you!