Homer: Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!

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Comic Book Guy: No banging your head against the display case, please. It contains a rare copy of Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.

Burn’s Messages read by Homer: “You have 30 minutes to move your car”, “You have 10 minutes”,”Your car has been impounded”, “Your car has been crushed into a cube”, “You have 30 minutes to move your cube”.

Lisa: What’s inside of you?
Nelson: I dunno. Guts…Black stuff… And about fifty Slim Jims.

Bart: Well, I believe you dad.
Homer: You do? Why?
Bart: Well, it’s just that you seem so damned sure.
Homer: Thanks, boy. And do you think you could cut out the casual swearing?
Bart: Hell yes.
Homer: That’s my boy!

Mr. Burns: Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup. I’m in over my head.